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Knocked Out of the Race, Time for Ice Cream

If One Thing's For Certain, We'll Never Have It Figured Out- And That's Alright






There's so much more to life, from the things that grab my attention for a moment or two, to the things that impact me forever.

An incredibly vague statement, but let me get going here.

Like the lust that overcomes an adrenaline junky seeking out their next thrill, I've become pretty hungry for anything putting me along a path of growth and personal development. In doing so, I feel like I'm relentlessly searching for things, ideas, and concepts to get my fix. This is great, but I feel like the mentality of this pursuit is sometimes like seeking out an always-elusive feeling of certainty that just doesn't exist.

In other words, sometimes I'm chasing a feeling of absolute stillness within myself that isn't real. As a child, always thinking that teenagers were so old, wise and cool, transitioning to being a teenager and thinking someone the age I am now has it all figured out. To what I'm sure will be the feeling as I approach the next phase of life, revering the generation before me as the ones that just have life down and pegged out.

I'm here to tell myself now that it's garbage.

Wisdom is a wonderful crystallized knowledge that we get after trading it for youth. And while I have no experience to back it up from, I feel as though wisdom will teach me that of course no one has all the answers, figuring out life and laying back in satisfaction. There will always be someone who knows more, can teach me something- younger or older.

I write this because I feel like now more than ever I'm being shaped by my experiences. Currently on month number three of jumping around Southeast Asia, every day is something new that offers something I can learn from.

Some stuff hits me to the core in some profound way, some stuff makes my mother worried sick for my safety. I'll ominously leave it at that, and sorry Ma...

But this wave that I've felt come over me recently is just the overpowering realization of how much more there is to life than anything I could ever do. And because of this, making sure I'm taking the time to do things that I want to do and live the way I want to live just seems like the only logical option.

Why wouldn't I?

There'll be more to life regardless of whether I'm down in the trenches of something unpleasant, unfulfilling, or upholding values I don't believe in. In the nicest way possible- it doesn't matter, aside from the standard I hold for myself.

As children we grow up trying to fit into and belong to the fast-flowing social ocean of youth, trying to belong somewhere. As adults I can't help but feel everyone around me and at similar places is now trying to distinguish themselves from the herd of  'everyone else.' More and more I find the peace that comes with living for myself in spite of the repercussions of what other people might think- this is a thought I hope to keep running with as I try to live free from the influence (indirect or otherwise) of what someone else might think.

To those younger, or those trying to find their own way, it might seem like that's all that matters right now but man, those feelings will pass- be you and learn comfortability within everything about yourself.

This might be common sense, or a long-known truth to others, but growth is a subjective path and I'm happy to relay where I'm at and how I feel. As always, I write for myself but thanks for taking the time to read and share with me- the support has been fantastic.


Top photo: Mui Ne Sand Dunes, Vietnam. Above photo: Da Lat Canyon, Vietnam. 


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